


Switch It Up, Swap It Out

by rebelmeg



Series: Rebelmeg's Tony Stark Bingo 2018 [9]
Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Avengers Family, Avengers Tower, Body Swap, Developing Friendships, Domestic Avengers, Gen, Hand-wavey Magic, Post-Avengers (2012), Protective Tony Stark, Tony Feels, Tony Stark Has A Heart, Tony Stark Needs a Hug, Tony Stark-centric, background pepperony
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-05
Updated: 2018-12-10
Packaged: 2019-09-07 17:44:18
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 12
Words: 17,671
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16858492
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/rebelmeg/pseuds/rebelmeg
Summary: Tony has a weird dream visit from a certain God of Mischief, and spends the next week hopscotching in and out of his teammates' bodies.  It is precisely as bizarre as it sounds.





	1. A Little Loophole

**Author's Note:**

> Written for the TSB prompt R5: Body Swap. And guess what?! WITH THIS FIC, I GET MY BINGO!!! *Happy dances all over the place* My poor Discord friends have been listening to me whine about needing to finish this fic for like a week, so a moment of silence for their patient suffering on my behalf. *Bows head*
> 
> I had four (yes, four, because this was a STRUGGLE) betas/cheer-readers for this fic! [Skye_wyr](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Skye_wyr/pseuds/Skye_wyr)  
> , [rudearrow](https://archiveofourown.org/users/rudearrow), [Eirlyssa](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Eirlyssa/pseuds/Eirlyssa), and [ShinpeiHolic](https://archiveofourown.org/users/ShinpeiHolic/gifts)! Eternal thanks to these wonderful creatures!
> 
> This fic was partially inspired by: "Everybody has unique pains and impairments that we feel so often we are numb to them. This fact is vastly underrepresented in movies that involve body-switching." I think I found it on Tumblr. Did I save the source? Of course I didn't, because I'm an idiot. If you recognize it or if you wrote it, please let me know so I can credit you!
> 
> TSB roundup info in the end notes.

It had just been… a really bad day. Really, really bad. Tony had woken up while it was still dark out, mouth open on a silent scream while the images of his nightmare still flashed behind his eyelids. He’d had two panic attacks after that, before noon had even rolled around, so now he was locked in his lab, buried as deep in projects as he could possibly get, keeping his brain working at capacity so it wouldn’t dwell on any of the dozens of triggers he apparently had. He hated it when Pepper wasn’t home.

Bruce had come down at some point, bringing with him the sandwich Tony had been in the middle of making before he’d run out of the kitchen to shake apart with panic in privacy. Bruce hadn’t said anything about the panic attack, proving himself to be the best Science Bro, just left the sandwich, an apple, a fresh mug of coffee, and a glass of juice on Tony’s work table nearby.

“Thanks.” Tony said quietly when he noticed it all a few minutes later, going straight for the coffee and downing half of it.

“You’re welcome. You get any sleep?”

Yeah, that was not helping the tension at all. “Enough.”

“For a normal person, or?” Bruce looked at him over the rim of his glasses.

“I haven’t been normal since day one, Jolly Green, you know that.”

Bruce was clearly trying to help, but it was just making Tony more tightly wound. “Maybe a more relaxed atmosphere would help—”

“If you’re about to suggest something like… I don’t know, ocean sounds and deep breathing, don’t. The ocean makes me miss surfing, and breathing hurts, so go away.”

“Deep breathing hurts? There’s not anything you can do to fix—”

“All breathing hurts.”

The horrified look on his face was too much, and Tony had to close his eyes. “Bruce, please. Drop it.”

Bruce didn’t move or speak for several long, almost painful moments, but Tony sensed it when the guy gave up. His brain slowly ground back to work, letting Tony forget, for the most part, the exhaustion weighing on him, the ever-present ache in his chest, the lingering static electricity sensation of anxiety still coating him like a second skin.

Work was good. It kept him busy, too busy to dwell on other things.

He didn’t quit to take a break for dinner, or even for hours after that. In fact, the only reason Tony stopped at all instead of working the whole night through was because JARVIS threatened to play German polka music on repeat if he didn’t at least try to sleep.

“You’re one step from Skynet, you know that, J?” Tony muttered as he flopped gracelessly on the couch in the lab.

“I’m sure you’ll keep me under control, sir.”

“Uh huh. Sassy creation.”

“I learned from the best.”

* * *

Tony was used to having vivid dreams, hi-def scenarios that were bizarre or terrifying or just plain weird. This was a mix of all of them, to find himself standing in front of Loki, the dangerous demi-god dressed in full battle gear like he’d been during the Chitauri invasion.

“Well, you’re someone I could do without ever seeing again.” Tony snarked, feeling acutely uncomfortable without his armor.

Loki’s smile was sharp and sly. “And yet here I am.”

“You really here or is this just a really terrible figment of my imagination?”

A one-shouldered shrug. “Depends on your definition of reality.”

“Ugh, spare me, Asgardian psychobabble.” Tony turned and walked away from Loki, through a… not much of a landscape, really, mostly vague white and gray colors with no edges or definition, that moved like water without going anywhere. He looked back after a minute, making sure he wasn’t walking in circles, and stopped suddenly.

His feet might be moving, but he was going nowhere, and Loki seemed deeply amused by it.

“Is there a point to this other than you smirking at me while I give my legs a hamster wheel workout?”

“Actually, you’ve given me quite an idea from the times I’ve looked into your life and watched you. A bit of fun, to keep myself entertained while I waste my time away thus.”

“Pretty sure you deserve all that wasting, Reindeer Games.”

Grimacing slightly at the nickname, Loki turned and took a few steps, actual steps instead of the standstill walking Tony was apparently stuck with. “We’re similar in a way I did not expect, Stark.”

“If you’re about to compare the way we dress, I’m gonna have to let you know I think the helmet is too much.”

Tony could see a partial profile, and that Loki had smiled. “No, in fact, it’s a pain we share.”

“Okay, I know I was the Merchant of Death, but come on. Aliens invading New York. You’ve clearly got me beat there.”

Loki… well, he didn’t quite wince, but something like it flashed across his face before it settled into something more neutral. “No, I refer to the pain of nobody knowing what it’s like to be you. And no one acknowledging or even considering what it must be like.”

“Not many psychotic Frost Giant/Asgardians where you come from?”

Loki’s smile was slightly tight. “Not as yet.”

“Well, where I come from, we’re pretty well set with geniuses, playboys, billionaires, and philanthropists.”

“Perhaps. But how many are all at once? And how many,” Loki stepped closer, “have that?”

He reached out to tap at the arc reactor, and Tony flinched away, backing up even though he knew he was dreaming. “Don’t.”

Loki raised both hands and stepped back, a grin back on his face. “You are oddly one-of-a-kind, Stark. Very odd indeed. And you keep company with others that are similar. But even your good Captain with his serum and his years on ice is not as unique as he thinks.”

Tony tried to puzzle that out, wondering exactly what Loki meant by it, but the Trickster continued speaking.

“It would be great fun, I think, to watch what would happen if they got a taste of what it’s like to be you. Not long, don’t worry. It wouldn’t be permanent. A day, I think, would suffice nicely. Yes. One day for each of your new friends.”

“If you think me being in charge of the Hulk for a day is gonna end any way but badly, you’re even more messed up than I thought.”

Loki’s face pinched at the mention of Brucie-bear’s alter ego, and Tony recalled the state of his floor when they’d retrieved Loki. Yeah, getting slammed repeatedly into the gray slate tiling might not leave the best memory behind. It was funny as hell to imagine, though.

“Mm, that would be a situation, wouldn’t it? Freeing the beast. Very well.” Loki snapped his fingers. “You shall sleep anytime the beast rises within you.”

Tony had to snort, because that created at least three… nope, five dirty jokes, but he didn’t say any of them. “Why?”

“I find myself unbearably bored. Such as it happens when a lifetime of imprisonment looms up ahead.”

“It’s more than you deserve.” Tony said sharply.

“Mm, so everyone says. At this point, I rather think I’d prefer death.”

“I’ll let your brother know. I’ll also let him know about this little loophole you’ve discovered.”

Loki had no response to that, wandering further away. Tony watched him, nervous and suspicious. This… didn’t feel like a regular dream. 

“I do believe I will enjoy this, Anthony Stark.”

“What, body-swapping me with my teammates.”

“As you say.”

“This is your idea of fun?”

Loki’s voice was fading away too, and his form was translucent in the distance. “I’m the god of mischief, Stark. I enjoy chaos in all its forms.”

And then he was gone, vanished into the strange fluid, ever-changing yet ever-static dreamscape.

Tony stared at the spot and felt a lick of panic surge again. Which was what made him open his eyes, staring instead at his lab, dimly lit and quietly humming in the mechanical version of sleep. 

“What the hell was that?”


	2. Midgardian Body Swap

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Loki, able to perform body swapping from Asgard through a dream connection? It's more likely than you think.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hadn't decided on a posting date for the rest of the chapters... but it turns out a lovely comment is all the encouragement I need to post the next one!

“Hey, Thor?”

Tony had tracked down the demi-god as soon as he’d confirmed with JARVIS that he indeed hadn’t left the lab at any point during that bizarre dream thing, and there had been no presence of magic or alien tricksters in there.

It was early, sometime around five in the morning, but Thor was in the kitchen pulling containers of leftovers out of the fridge. He turned and smiled when Tony came in. “Yes, my friend?”

“Is your brother by chance able to perform magic over long distances? Like, from here to Asgard distances?”

Thor’s brow furrowed as he set some takeout containers on the island counter. “What do you mean.”

Tony scrubbed his hands through his hair. “I mean I had a freaky-ass dream just a little while ago and I’m wondering just how many panic attacks I need to have about it.”

Thor straightened immediately, looking, funnily enough, thunderous as he face Tony fully, food forgotten. “He came to you in a dream?”

Tony nodded. “Yep.”

“Not a recollection of battle?”

Not this time. “Nope. He said he was bored and he wanted to play Midgardian Body Swap to pass the time.”

“Midgardian—”

“Swapping people’s minds into different bodies. Something like that. I think.”

Thor blanched, and he even took a step backwards. “Loki has… done something similar before. When we were boys together. But he is imprisoned on Asgard, doing such magic through the magic force imprisoning him, in an entirely different realm…” He trailed off and shook his head. “I will go to Asgard at once, to be sure he is still there where I left him.”

“And find out if I’ve got some bodily musical chairs in my future too, I hope.”

“Yes.” Thor gritted his teeth. “And that too.” He stalked towards the elevator down the hall, and was nearly there when something occurred to Tony.

“Thor, out of curiosity?”

He paused and looked back.

“Who did he swap you with?”

Thor glowered. “Myself, the Warriors Three, and Lady Sif all took a turn inhabiting each other’s bodies.”

Tony’s spirits fell. “You don’t seem to have pleasant recollections from that time.”

“No. I do not.” He didn’t elaborate, and Tony didn’t stop him again as he got into the elevator and presumably went to get dressed and call on Heimdall for a ride.

Rubbing both hands over his face roughly, Tony sat at one of the stools at the island and pulled a container of Chinese leftovers to himself. He spoke to JARVIS as he ate cold orange chicken out of the paper carton with his fingers. “Have everyone come in here when they’re all up and about. Might as well prepare them for the worst.”

* * *

“So… we might all be body-swapping with Tony at some point this week?” Clint summed it up succinctly, taking a sip from one of the two mugs of coffee in his hands (one black, one with cream and sugar).

Tony sighed and dragged a hand through his hair, making a face when his fingers got tangled in the unwashed mess. “It’s not outside the realm of possibility.”

Bruce shifted uncomfortably. “Anyone else more than a little worried about that possibility?”

If it had been anyone else, Tony would have snarked something about not being that bad looking. But it was Brucie-bear, and his concern was really fricking valid. “Apparently when we swap, I’m gonna just fall asleep anytime the Hulk gets close to coming out.”

Bruce’s eyebrows furrowed. “Yeah, how’s that gonna work?”

Tony waved his hands vaguely. “Magic?”

Bruce groaned. “I hate magic.”

“Right there with you, pal.”

Natasha was sitting on the coffee table, her feet together and her knees splayed out flat against the hard surface in a perfect butterfly stretch. “Any idea when this might start?”

Tony shrugged. “All I’ve got so far is not yet.”

* * *

Tony had run his hands through his hair so many times it was standing straight up on his head, but that didn’t stop him from doing it again, going so far as to rub his face, massage his neck, and thunk his head down onto his work table with his arms hanging limply down to the floor. He had spent most of the day on the phone with Pepper, telling her what was possibly going on and making sure she had whatever access she needed to keep SI running smoothly in the event he was inhabiting a different body. They had decided she would stay away, just to be safe, and Tony’s stomach felt like lead at the prospect. He had also talked to Nick Fury, and a few of his underlings, and rescheduled every meeting he had for the next week. Just in case. 

He was absolutely exhausted, and he didn’t bother lifting his head from the table as he spoke.

“JARVIS, we’re gonna want to move to verbal security commands if things go sideways. And move Loki back to the top of my Most Hated Persons list. This is worse than getting voted the #2 Sexiest Man Alive.”

“Yes sir. In the event of an incident, please use your C-level voice commands.”

“You’ve always got my back, JARVIS.”

“Always, sir. And now, seeing as how you haven’t eaten since this morning and it is now nearing dinnertime…” The AI let the sentence trail off, and Tony smiled.

“Soon as I have the desire to stand up, I’m all over it.” He rolled his head to the side and watched Dum-E and U going about the tasks he’d set for them. “Might be a real weird week, kids. Soon as I figure out how to explain it in a way you’ll understand, we’ll sit down and have a chat.”

The bots both rolled his way when they registered he was talking to them, and Tony indulged them when they bumped their metal arms up under his hands for pets.

“Needy metal children.” Tony mumbled, patting them both fondly. “Okay, JARVIS. Food, then find me a project. Let’s be productive while we can.”

* * *

Tony found it easier to sleep, sometimes, if he was somewhat worn out when he finally fell into bed (or onto couch). So he was taking the long way to his suite, which so far had included an extensive tour of his lab, the communal floor, the garage, and he was currently walking the long hallway that went down the middle of the gym and PT floor. He had just picked up on the dull thudding sounds that had to be Steve putting a punching bag to death when it happened.

It hit like a flash of light, something that made you stop and blink but didn’t really feel like anything. Except when he stopped blinking… he was not standing out in the hall. And he felt all wrong.

He was standing in front of a gently swaying punching bag, with tape on his fists, sweat on his face, and a ridiculously tight t-shirt stretched over pecs that were just unrealistic.

He gasped, and that more than anything made him certain, because it had been three and half years since he’d been able to gasp without it hurting. Oh, crap on a cracker, it had really happened, hadn’t it?

A familiar-sounding squawk drew Tony’s head around, and it felt… wow, that felt weird. He was acutely aware that this was not his body, and every single movement seemed to highlight that fact. “Steve?”

The door to the gym opened, and his body walked, or, well, stumbled through the door, looking absolutely bewildered. “Tony?” That… that was weird, that was never not gonna be weird, someone else wearing his body calling his own name. “You okay?”

Tony was taking a deep breath, filling lungs that weren’t his with every bit of oxygen he could squeeze into them, and it felt like… a gift. 

“Tony?!”

“Yeah, sorry. I just… first deep breath in three and a half years.”

His own face blanched, and he didn’t like that, not at all. He saw Steve take an experimental breath, wince, and clutch at his chest.

“Yeah, sorry about that. I wish I could say it gets better, but… yeah. It doesn’t. Hiccups hurt like a _bitch_.”

Steve took a few more steps and wobbled dangerously. “This is… I don’t like this.”

Come to think of it, he looked like he was about to keel over.

Moving fast, faster than his brain could process, Tony was next to him, using hands he recognized but didn’t own to hold his displaced body upright.

“Ouch!” Steve yelped, “Be gentle!”

Immediately loosening his grip, Tony took another deep breath, but didn’t take quite as much pleasure out of it this time. “JARVIS, just in case you’re not up to speed on our current dilemma, I’m currently inhabiting Steve’s body and he’s in mine. Echo-7-Romeo-4-Delta.”

“C-Level voice command acknowledged.” JARVIS intoned from somewhere near the ceiling. “Shall I alert Medical for Captain Rogers?”

“Uh… let’s hold off for a minute, if we can.” Tony deciding, checking ushering Steve and his borrowed body to one of the weight benches to sit down. He was still pale and a little wobbly, letting Tony take a good portion of his weight to keep him upright.

This was… not gonna be fun.

“Right. Supersoldier strength, be gentle. Anything I need to know right now before anything else happens?”

Steve was still clutching his chest, and his breathing was still labored. “I’d prefer you not do anything weird to my body while you’re in it?”

“What am I gonna do, go get a tattoo and nipple piercings?!”

“Please don’t.”

Tony sighed in exasperation and tried to be careful as he propped Steve up. “I’m not gonna do anything to your body, Steve. Frankly, I’m freaking out at the idea of figuring out how to use the bathroom without fondling a dick that doesn’t belong to me.”

Steve huffed a bare imitation of a laugh and winced. “Tony… this really sucks.”

With a big hand that didn’t belong to him, Tony carefully squeezed Steve’s shoulder. “I know, pal. I know.”


	3. This Is Gonna Be A Great Week

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Steve DOES NOT LIKE THIS. Tony though... Tony doesn't mind.

Steve was not taking to being in Tony’s body very well.

He spent well over an hour wincing every time he breathed in and out, trying to keep his breaths shallow, and Tony figured his age wasn’t doing the guy any favors either. He was in amazing shape, downright fantastic given that he was mid-forties, but being Iron Man wasn’t a job that was kind to his body. He ended up digging around in his bathroom for the extra-strength prescription painkillers he had to take from time to time to help with assorted aches and pains when they got to be too much, and handed one of them to Steve with a bottle of water. Steve took it without question, mumbling something about not having felt this crappy since before the serum.

Briefing everyone was weird, they kept looking between Steve and Tony with wide-eyed ranges of emotions crossing their faces. Tony kept it short, knowing that the pain meds Steve had taken were going to kick in and lay him out any minute now, and he really wanted the guy to have his body safely in a bed when that happened.

“Tony, th’s rlly sucks.” Steve slurred half an hour later when Tony all but rolled him onto his bed, making sure the guy was lying on his back so the arc reactor didn’t dig into his heart or lungs. Natasha stood in the doorway and watched, something inscrutable in her gaze.

"Yup, I know. I feel bad for you, I really do.” Yanking up the covers on the other side of the bed, Tony tucked them over Steve and plugged in his phone to charge. “You’re not gonna remember this, but try not to sleep on your stomach.”

Steve just grunted and smooshed his face into the pillow, and Natasha chuckled from the door.

“He’s fine, let him be.”

“Yeah, he’ll be drugged up for a bit.” Tony straightened up and stepped back, shaking his head. “This is gonna be a great week.”

Natasha reached out and squeezed his forearm. “It’ll be alright. Come on.”

Tony escorted her back to her floor, dropping her off at the door, then decided to finish his wander he’d started a couple hours earlier. He meandered back to where he’d started, adjacent to the gym, and as he walked past the doors, he caught a glimpse of the quarter mile jogging track that was placed just next door. 

Following an impulse, he went into the room and to the starting line, scuffing the toe of Steve’s workout shoe on the line.

“Hey, JARVIS…”

“Yes, sir?”

“Just for kicks… time me.”

The AI didn’t have time to reply before Tony was exploding down the track, long legs pumping hard as he pushed the body he was in as fast as it would go. His feet weren’t so much eating the distance as chowing it down like Thor at a buffet, and the curves seemed to come up on him faster and faster as he blew through the four laps.

The mile was over in a blink, and he jogged to a stop.

“How fast?” He was panting, but he was far from exhausted. He was only just barely breaking a sweat, and the clock JARVIS had projected showed a glowing “00.00.53” on the wall. Fifty-three seconds to run a mile, that had to be just about sixty—

“You peaked at 68.4 miles per hour, sir.”

“Holy _shit_.”

“Supersoldier is indeed an apt description.”

“Hell yes it is.”

* * *

Tony woke up the next morning feeling… _rested_. It freaked him out so much he sat bolt upright and was halfway through asking JARVIS how many days he’d been asleep before he saw the hands, arms, and chest that weren’t his and remembered.

“Okay, there’s a nice side effect, note how much I am not complaining about this.”

“Noted, sir.”

After another… really, it was just awkward, handling a dick that was not his own was really extremely awkward, but he finally managed to use the bathroom, and showered while he was in there. Realizing he had nothing to change into was a bit of a downer.

“Right, see, this is where I’m starting to regret getting rid of all my old sweatpants so I could buy a bunch of those yoga pants that Pepper says my butt looks awesome in.”

JARVIS said nothing, but Tony knew he was laughing.

After a desperate dig through his closet, he pulled on the biggest pair of sleep pants he owned, and a hoodie that he was pretty sure he’d stolen from Thor at some point. So at least from the waist up, he didn’t look ridiculous. The fact that several inches of Steve’s ankles were showing below the edge of the pants was not his fault.

About the time he gave up on the idea of socks or shoes, Tony realized that his stomach felt like a gnawing, gaping pit, and he couldn’t remember ever feeling this hungry in his life.

“When did this idiot last eat, JARVIS, I’m dying over here.”

“Are you referring to yourself or Captain Rogers, sir?”

“Hardy har har, I’m gonna sell you to Bill Gates.”

“Captain Rogers ate just before going to the gym last night, a proper number of calories for his metabolism.”

“Shoulda known the under-a-minute-mile was gonna cost something.” Rubbing at the weirdly flat and washboard-y stomach he was currently borrowing, Tony got himself down to the kitchen posthaste to eat the entire contents of the fridge.

Steve, Natasha, and Clint were already there, and Tony had to smother a laugh. Steve looked _miserable_ , which wasn’t funny, but the hangdog look on his face was. As was the fact that the sweatshirt and sweatpants he was wearing were several sizes too big for him and the sleeves had to be rolled up.

“No wonder you drink so much coffee.” He mumbled, looking at Tony with bloodshot eyes.

“To be fair, a little bit of that’s the hangover from the meds. I, on the other hand, feel like I could run a marathon, shift the Appalachian mountains a few feet to the left, and round it out by swimming to England. Please tell me there’s food.”

Natasha slid a bowl of fruit and a bag of bagels at him, her eyes widening as he all but inhaled a bagel plain in three bites before grabbing another one. “I was gonna offer cream cheese, but I’m worried you’ll eat the container.”

“I’m _starving_ ,” Tony said around a mouthful of bagel, peeling a banana and adding that to the mix. “Steve, how do you live like this?”

Steve looked sheepish, which was weird to see on Tony’s own face. “Yeah, sorry. Accelerated metabolism. You’re gonna need to eat pretty frequently.”

“That is _so_ inconvenient.”

“Trade ya.” Steve’s smile was crooked, and trying to be sincere.

Tony winced a bit on his behalf. “Yeah, these kind of jokes aren’t gonna be funny for a while, are they?”


	4. The Things We're Used To

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Steve body is pretty fun. Tony's body sucks. Let's try out the next one...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Y'all have got [sunbean72](https://archiveofourown.org/users/sunbean72/pseuds/sunbean72) to thank for all these chapters coming out, because I am a SUCKER for comments.
> 
> Also, the MCU robbed us from experiencing like 90% of the awesomeness of comic!Clint. So have some.

Tony was trying really hard not to like his borrowed body too much. He really was. He complained, at length, every time he had to go eat more food, because it was just ridiculous the number of calories he was having to put away to keep his stomach from rumbling. He’d literally ordered half the menu from his favorite Italian place for lunch, and by dinnertime he’d gone through most of it. (Although, being able to eat all his favorites almost at the same time was awesome, but then he wandered back into all the ways this body was clearly better than his own and he was trying to avoid that train of thought.)

After ordering his favorite things from several more restaurants for dinner (the looks the rest of the Avengers have given him had been absolutely hilarious, mixed between disgust, horror, and envy), Tony had spent a good hour in the lab finding out just how many things he could lift up, just because he wanted to. The list included Dum-E, U, half of his cars, all of his work tables, and two Iron Man armors stacked up on top of each other.

Then, he’d had a small panic attack when he’d realized that Loki’s “day” and a day on Earth might be drastically different, and had to distract himself with work.

That was what Steve found him doing a couple hours later, close to the time when the switch had happened the night before, just after eleven.

“You still look like crap, but I don’t know if that’s because I just look like that all the time or because you’re having a particularly bad day.”

Steve smiled weakly (that goatee needed a trim) and settled on the lab couch. “I wish you’d told me it was this bad.”

Tony moved a few wires around in the boot of the armor he was working on. “Sorry. I guess I didn’t really think about it. Used to it.”

That made Steve look sad, which looked awful on Tony’s face, so he changed the subject.

“You jerk off in my body?”

That made Steve swell up like an angry hen and blush like a virgin, but he was obviously too exhausted from his ordeal of a day because when Tony started laughing, all the indignation leaked out of him. “That’s rude.”

“Yeah, well, so am I.” Tony glanced over at him. “You been keeping an eye on the time?”

“Mm hmm. Hoping Loki is keeping the same time I am.”

Tony snorted. “You and me both, pal.”

Steve smiled a little. “My body that bad?”

“No, it’s that good. Better take it back when you have the chance, or I’m liable to keep it.”

There he was, getting sad again, and Tony opened his mouth to say something probably stupid, but then he was sitting across the room and staring at Steve hunched over the Iron Man boot.

“I’m back.” Tony patted his face, feeling the familiar roughness of the goatee, the texture of his face, the callouses on his hands. The ache in his chest made it real, the weight and size of the arc reactor reducing his lung capacity, weighing on his sternum, ribs, and collarbones.

How much did it suck that it was the pain that convinced him it was really happening?

Steve’s eyes were wide as he stared at Tony, still holding needle-nose pliers and a soldering iron in his hands, and what a relief it was to have Steve back in his own body again, making his own expressions on his own face.

“Tony… I didn’t know…” Steve dropped the tools and clutched at his chest, his breathing labored in a way that Tony recognized, like he couldn’t get enough deep breaths. He’d spent most of the past twenty-four hours doing that.

He waved off Steve’s concern. “S’all good, Cap. It’s fine.”

“It’s not fine.” Steve stood, a little shakily, like he was getting used to his body all over again. But then, it wasn’t his first time being jacked into a different body, was it? “That is _not_ fine, Tony, how do you live with that every single day?”

He just looked up at Steve and shook his head a little at the earnest concern on his face. “Lack of options, my man. Sheer lack of options.”

To his surprise, Steve closed the distance between them and pulled Tony to his feet, wrapping him up in a gentle hug. “I’m sorry. That… that really sucks.”

Tony smiled a little and hugged Steve back gingerly. “Yeah. Thanks.”

Steve pulled back, smiling, but then his expression changed. “Um, if you’ll excuse me… apparently I have to use the restroom.”

Oh yeah, he’d kinda been holding it, hadn’t he? “Sorry, forgot.”

Shaking his head in a fond way, Steve squeezed Tony’s shoulder and headed for the door. “Don’t stay up too late. Sleep helps.” He suddenly grinned cheekily. “And I can say that _from experience_ now!”

Tony laughed and nodded. Such a mother hen, that man. “Yeah, yeah, go away with your personal experience. You had my body for one day, you drama queen. And don’t eat my tandoori chicken, that’s for my taste buds, not yours! I don’t care what body I’m in!”

Steve laughed as he went down the stairs, and Tony was left alone.

Rubbing at his chest, and the all-too-familiar ache, he considered sitting back down on the couch or going back over to his worktable to keep going. All the aches and pains that Steve’s body didn’t feel were up and at ‘em, which kind of made Tony want to curl up in a ball on the couch, but if he was gonna lie down he might as well go to bed and stare at the ceiling.

He didn’t get a chance to decide.

Between one breath and the next, it was dark, he was lying down, and in the faint ambient light coming in through the darkened windows, Tony could see a room that wasn’t his own. He rubbed at the lightly stubbled face he was wearing with a strange hand, and knew from the callouses who it was.

“Huh. Wonder if it’s whoever I’m closest to.” Tony murmured to himself, glaring at the hand he was controlling that was not his. “What the hell, Clint, your hands are more muscular than Steve’s entire body, and that is saying something.”

He paused as he realized something. “JARVIS?”

The reply was… faint, very faint, nearly inaudible. “Yes, sir?”

Tony poked at his ears, searching for the earplugs that Clint must have been wearing. But there were none.

“JARVIS, are you operating at a normal volume?”

“Yes. Can you hear me, sir?”

“Barely. Search Clint’s files again, does it have anything in there about any hearing problems?” His voice sounded strange, slightly louder than JARVIS, but it was like the volume was down on the entire world. Why hadn’t Barton ever said anything?

JARVIS was louder now, and Tony could make out what he was saying much easier. “There is a reference to partial deafness in both ears.”

“Great.” This was gonna be super fun. “How’s he doing? I’m in his room, right? He’s only a couple floors under the lab, and Thor’s off with Jane tonight.”

“Yes sir, this is his floor. He appears to have remained asleep when he took your body. He is on the floor in the workshop. The bots are rather concerned.”

Okay, the mental image of Clint flopping straight to the floor once his sleeping consciousness entered Tony’s body was actually hilarious. “Save that footage, I’m gonna want to watch that later.”

“Yes, sir.”

Tony rolled out of bed, sincerely glad that Clint didn’t seem to sleep naked, and winced as he stood. “Okay, yeah, this is more what I’m used to. Get Clint an appointment with a chiropractor, this is not okay.” 

“I believe Agent Barton takes ibuprofen and acetaminophen on a regular basis to combat muscle and joint pain.”

“Roger that, I’ll get right on it. He still asleep?”

“Yes, and Dum-E is going for a fire extinguisher.”

Tony sniggered, the sound husky coming from Clint’s throat. “Stop him if you can, record it if you can’t.”

Clint was doused in fire extinguisher foam and just sputtering to life by the time Tony made it up to the lab, but he only had a chance to laugh at it freely for a couple seconds. Both of them were liberally coated in the stuff by the time Tony finished laughing around mouthfuls of foam and Clint finished punishing him for it.


	5. Am I Shouting?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tony is not having this. Not at all.

Morning found Tony once again in his bed, but not in his body, because apparently Clint’s body liked sleep more than his did. It also apparently didn’t like lying in one position for too long, because he ached all over when he got up and shuffled to the bathroom.

“Ow, JARVIS, what the hell did this guy do last night before I got to it?! I feel like I’ve spent the night at the Playboy mansion on trampoline night, but without any of the fun parts. Has this joker never heard of a chiropractor?!”

“It doesn’t seem so. He just manages the pain with over-the-counter medications. You have some in the en suite bathroom.”

Tony had hosed off as best as he could the previous night after the whole debacle with the fire extinguisher, so he decided to forego any more necessary nudeness in favor of just getting dressed. He and Clint were the same height, though Clint was more muscular particularly through the torso, so it was a lot easier finding something to wear this time around. 

“JARVIS, maybe rush order some clothes that will fit a Thor-sized body. Bruce and Natasha won’t be difficult, but I refuse to go around with my ankles and bare feet sticking out for another day whenever we get around to that. Also, am I shouting? I can’t tell.”

“You are a bit loud, sir, but not too much. Ordering suitable clothing now.”

Again, Tony wasn’t the first one down to the kitchen, and it was an off-putting experience to feel but not hear the elevator, feel but not hear his own footsteps, and see but not hear the coffee machine brewing on the counter.

“Clint, I don’t like this. Am I shouting?”

Clint had his hands over his ears and was wincing. “Yes, you’re shouting. I think. Not sure.”

Thor entered the room, but as Tony couldn’t hear him, he got the dickens scared out of him when the guy clapped him on the shoulder.

“Good morning, friends. I presume you have swapped bodies again, Stark?”

“You’d be correct. Clint, do you have any hearing aids?”

The guy nodded, staring down into his mug of coffee. “In my bedside table. But they pick up every little noise and it gets me jumpy. You can use them if you want.”

“Yeah, gonna do that. You want earplugs? I use them when I sleep.”

“Please, yes.”

“Also, why do I feel like I’ve been literally put through a wood chipper? Hire a massage therapist, you masochist, this is hell.”

Clint just shrugged. “Used to it, I guess.”

“Ugh. No.”

The archer just tapped the edge of the arc reactor and winced. “Right back atcha.”

“Stop messing with, that you’ll irritate the skin around it and then you’ll really be miserable. Don’t give me a chest infection with your nervous tic.”

Clint took his hands away from the reactor in a gesture of surrender, then covered his ears with his hands again. He shot Thor a grateful look when the demigod stuck a straw in his coffee, and Tony had to smile as he went off in search of hearing aids and earplugs.

* * *

“JARVIS, this almost sucks more than being deaf.” Tony resisted the urge to poke at the hearing aids in his ears that were indeed picking up every single little sound and amplifying it, as Clint had said. Anytime Dum-E or U moved, even from across the lab, it sounded like they were right next to him, and he was looking around on a regular basis to figure out what that beeping noise was. He still had no idea.

“That is a common complaint from people with hearing impairments, sir. While great strides have been taken in the technology, it is still a difficult science.”

“Maybe we should fix that. Pull some info together for me and I’ll see what I can do about it later. In the meantime, how’s our boy?”

“Agent Barton appears much more comfortable with the earplugs. He attempted practicing on the archery range, but unfortunately your body did not accommodate that activity very well. He fell asleep watching television in his suite.”

“I can unironically say that I know his pain. And Steve’s good, right? His body isn’t doing anything wonky?”

“He appears to be fine.”

Tony sighed in relief. “Good. I’d rather not have us dealing with side effects from this thing.” 

He worked in silence for another hour, twisting down and around inside a car engine to get at the right angle to fix a part. When his stomach was insistently demanding food in a way that even he couldn’t ignore, he finally set his tools aside.

He all but howled when he straightened back up again, every muscle, bone, and joint from his hips all the way up to his neck screaming in pain.

“What the hell?! This is insane!”

“There is ibuprofen in the medicine cabinet, sir. You are due for another dose, as I’ve been reminding you.”

Tony was stuck in a half-bent position, one hand on his neck and the other on his lower back as he limped towards the medicine cabinet that held various medications and first aid supplies. “Okay, seriously, I can’t handle this, I want my old pain back. Ask Barton if I can go see that chiropractor I like. Throw money around if you have to.”

Swallowing a few ibuprofen tablets with the bottle of water U helpfully delivered, Tony leaned against the wall and groaned. “This suuuuuucks.”

“Agent Barton says he doesn’t care what you do, as long as he gets his body back in the same or better condition as he left it in. He also flipped you off for having me interrupt his nap.”

“Tell him I’m flipping him off in return, and schedule me an emergency appointment, right now.”

“Already done, sir. Dr. Brannigan can see you in an hour. Perhaps you might eat your chicken tandoori leftovers in the meantime to take your mind off it?”

Tony huffed out a laugh. “Distracting me with food, that’s a good tactic.” With another groan, he heaved himself off the wall and limped towards the door. “I want it noted… this sucks.”

“Yes, sir. Your suffering is being carefully cataloged.”

“Such sass. Such disrespect, in my own home. From my own AI! What does a man have to do to get respect around here?”

“I am not going to answer that, sir.”

\----------------------------------------------

Tony was half an hour early to his chiropractor appointment, and since he’d already submitted the paperwork with Clint’s information, the receptionist let Tony spend the time until his appointment on one of the water massage beds. It was the most comfortable he’d been all day, with warm jets of water pulsing against his sore muscles through the lining of the bed, and he whimpered a little bit when Dr. Brannigan was ready to see him.

After a few minutes of preliminary probing, the doctor looked down at Tony with an utterly perplexed expression on his face.

“Mr. Barton, I don’t know how or why you’ve gotten your body into this shape… but it’s wrong.”

“No kidding.” Tony huffed. “Just do me a solid and fix what you can, doc. This is killing me. Especially the back. I will stay as long as it takes.”

“I don’t dare do more than an hour today. Your body will need time to recover, but I can have my receptionist set up a repeat appointment for next week, if you’d like.”

“I will seriously consider it.” Tony would do his best to talk Clint into it, Dr. Brannigan was the best.

“Alright.” The doctor took a deep breath. “Here goes. Feel free to swear as much as you like, because this is gonna hurt.”

It did. And Tony did.


	6. I Want My Body Back

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A little bit of "who would body swap with who" and a perhaps likely, but unexpected, friendship.

There were not enough ice packs in the world.

Natasha shook her head as Tony tucked a bag of frozen peas against the other ice pack already against his lower back, leaning against a visiting Rhodey as he did so (as soon as his MIT Bro had heard about what was going on, he’d been on the first plane to New York). They were on the couch in the communal living room, with the other Avengers spread out around them, a playlist of everyone’s favorite music running quietly in the background.

“It can’t be that bad.” Natasha tsked.

Tony just winced as he shifted. “I assure you, Red, it can be. Clint, I want my body back.”

Clint was eyeballing him from the other side of the sectional. “Given the way you’re acting, I’m not sure I want it back. What the hell did that doctor do to you?”

“Realigned part of your spine, you ungrateful dick. It leaves bruises, but it’ll feel better later. You should really go next week. It’s gonna hurt, but then it’ll be so much better.”

Clint didn’t look convinced, but Tony wasn’t gonna give up on him.

“So I was thinking,” Natasha readjusted the ice pack on Tony’s shoulder. “We’re all going to be swapping bodies with Tony. But what if it had been someone else?”

“I call Thor, I wanna be Thor for a day.” Clint piped up, making the demigod laugh from the kitchen. “Does Mjolnir come with the body, or the soul?”

Tony shrugged, then regretted it. “Guess I’ll let you know by the end of the week. Who would you pick, Natasha?”

She glanced around at all of them, considering it. “Thor or Steve. It would be nice to be tall. And to still not have chest hair.”

Tony chuckled. “Steve’s body is nice. It’s very tall. Fast as hell.”

“You ran in my body?” Steve perked up and lowered his sketchbook to look at Tony. 

“Yup. You’re fast like a freak, Cap. Thor, who would you be?”

Thor spoke around a mouthful of what looked to be an entire taco. “Possibly Lady Natasha. I have often wondered about the mechanics of a female body.”

Natasha’s green eyes widened and she stared at him. “Well, there’s something you don’t hear every day.”

The rest of them were sniggering, especially when Thor rushed to assure Natasha he hadn’t meant anything disrespectful, nearly choking on his taco as he did so.

Tony shifted to lie on his other hip, letting his head flop on Natasha’s shoulder as he called out, “How about you, Brucie-bear? If you could pick, who would it be?”

Bruce looked around at all of them from the kitchen table, managing to look shy. “Probably Steve.”

“Coulda called that.” Clint said, hauling himself off the couch and heading for the coffee machine, wincing as he rubbed gingerly at his chest around the arc reactor. “Everyone wants to be Steve.”

“It would have been nice,” Bruce said quietly, looking down at his hands as he slowly rotated a glass of water between them. “To know what it would have been like if the gamma experiment had worked.”

They all fell quiet, looking at Bruce with a mix of sympathy and surprise until he started shifting uncomfortably.

Tony was the one to change the subject, not wanting his Science Bro to feel any more awkward. “How about you, Rhodey?” He glanced over his shoulder at his bestie. “Who would you swap with?”

Rhodey leveled one of his sphinx-stares at Tony for a second, then said firmly, “I’d swap with you, and I’d keep you home and safe all day for once in your life.”

Clint choked on his coffee (rude, that was going to give Tony’s body a sore throat), and started laughing so hard he spilled the rest of it, slipped on it, and fell on the floor. Where he lay, spread-eagled, shirt soaked with coffee, cackling for a solid five minutes before Tony finally got up and started throwing half-melted ice packs and bags of peas at him. And it might have just been a placebo effect, but his aim was perfect every time.

* * *

Clint and Tony didn’t bother wandering off after the rest of the Avengers plus Rhodey headed to bed, knowing they’d be switching bodies soon anyway. Clint had dozed off and he was snoring lightly when the time came, and as Tony sat up and wiped drool off his face, he chuckled at the way Clint flopped over sideways in his own body, still asleep.

Tony spent a bittersweet minute getting reacquainted with himself, the ache in his chest and the lack of ache in his back. He took the earplugs out as he talked to JARVIS, luxuriating in being able to hear everything again.

“The chest thing sucks, but at least this body can bend over a car for an hour without needing drastic chiropractic intervention. Jot that down for the next time I complain about the arc reactor.” He leaned over to take the hearing aids out of Clint’s ears and set them on the coffee table.

“Yes, sir.”

Bruce made his way back in then, looking between Tony and Clint. “Tony? You back in your body?”

Tony nodded as he spread a blanket over Clint. “For the moment, yeah. You sure you wanna be this close?” 

“You think it’s whoever’s closest to you too?”

Tony nodded as he sat back down and scrubbed at his face, actually enjoying the feel of his own hands feeling his own facial hair. “Yep. Guess we’ll find out, huh?”

Bruce nodded and sat across from Tony, looking nervous and antsy. “Should we make a break for the Hulk-safe levels?”

“Maybe if we’d had more time. But don’t worry about it, Brucie-bear. I’ll fall asleep if he gets to close to the top. It’ll be okay.”

Bruce didn’t look convinced, but he nodded again anyway. They wiled away the next minute and a half in fairly uncomfortable silence, and then it happened. Quick as a wink and just as painless.

Tony blinked in his borrowed body. For a few seconds, he didn’t really detect anything different at all, but then he felt what had to be the Hulk.

“Any urges to fall asleep?” Somehow the trademarked Bruce face of concern was coming through just fine on Tony’s features, and it made him smile.

“Not so far.” It was weird, really _really_ weird, to feel the Hulk, a whole separate presence, poking at the edges of his consciousness. “He’s just kinda looking things over, far as I can tell. Hey, Big Guy. Gonna be your roomie for a while, alright?”

There wasn’t any kind of voice or anything, but Tony had the definite sense that the Hulk was satisfied with what he’d said.

“Huh. Guess we’re besties, he’s cool with it.”

Bruce was looking at him like he had three heads.

“How are _you_ doing?” Tony turned the conversation around and let the Hulk continue to poke around.

Bruce glanced down at himself, gingerly probed around the reactor, then winced a bit. “It’s both worse and better than I expected.”

“I’m honored.” Tony fluttered his eyelashes.

Bruce threw him a slightly withering glance that managed to look _exactly_ like Tony. “I’m gonna go get a scan. Make sure all these changes aren’t affecting the reactor badly.”

Tony blinked in surprise. “Why didn’t I think of that?”

“Because you’ve been having a literal out of body experience for two days.” Bruce stood and… kinda wiggled around for a minute, familiarizing himself with his borrowed body. Tony had to smile.

“Steve says that sleep helps with the pain. And I’ve got some knockout meds if you need them.”

Bruce nodded and went to adjust the glasses he wasn’t wearing, then held a hand out to pull Tony upright. “Okay. Take my body to bed. Sleep helps with the Hulk, too.”

“Roger that. I’m going. G’night, Brucie-bear.”

“Night, Tony.”


	7. Don't Panic, Panic Makes It Hurt

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bruce doesn't do sweaty science, Tony needs duct tape, Hulk likes Tony, and one big guy is swapped out for another.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is a wee bit lengthy as I didn't have a good chapter break in there sooner, so have some extra words! *Blows kisses to all the delightful people that have left comments*

Being in Bruce’s body had bizarre disadvantages that Tony never would have considered. The glasses, for example, were by far the worst part.

Tony growled late the next morning as he shoved the glasses up his sweaty nose again, for the fifth or sixth time in about as many minutes. He was muscling the Iron Man armor into the right positions for him to fix a wiring problem, and constantly had to stop to adjust the glasses. “Bruce! How do you stand this!”

Bruce glanced over from his own work table, managing to look entirely Bruce-like even behind Tony’s goatee. “I don’t do sweaty science.”

Tony growled some more and muttered mutinously, lasting another five minutes before he gave up and chucked a wrench back on the work table, ripping the glasses off and swiping at his sweaty face with the hem of his shirt. “This sucks.”

“You’re telling me.”

Another surge of irritation and anger lanced through Tony at being deprived of the one thing that had been getting him through this absolutely absurd week, and apparently that was his emotional threshold. In rapid succession the Hulk seemed to roar in his head, Tony felt a flash of utter panic, and then everything went dark.

* * *

JARVIS’s voice poked at the edges of Tony’s consciousness. “He is awakening, Dr. Banner.”

Bruce was standing over him, pale and freaked out, when Tony’s eyelashes fluttered and he looked up through unfocused eyes.

“Holy shit, you almost Hulked out, didn’t you?”

“Almost being the key word there, I think. JARVIS?” 

“You appear fine, sir.”

Tony waited a minute, making sure he wasn’t going to have a big green recurrence, then slowly sat up, accepting the glasses Bruce held out. “I’ll be damned, that horny bastard actually made it work.”

Snorting a little at the descriptor for Loki, Bruce sat down shakily on the floor next to him and put a hand over his borrowed heart. “That scared me to death.”

“Don’t panic, panic makes it hurt.”

“Yeah, I’m getting that.”

Tony coached Bruce through some shallow breathing exercises that wouldn’t strain his lungs or make his heart beat too hard (it would bump against the arc reactor if it got going too hard and that just did not feel right), and fetched him a cup of tea.

“Bruce, you’re not even sharing a body with the Hulk right now, how are you still so wound up?”

Bruce groaned and accepted the tea. “Clearly I owe the Hulk an apology for that…”

“You hear that, big guy? Bruce is sorry he’s been a bad roomie.”

Tony didn’t actually hear anything, but he had the definite impression that the Hulk had just snorted in amusement. He sat next to Bruce in silence for a minute, then nudged the glasses up his nose.

“Hey Bruce?”

“Hey Tony?”

“You allergic to the adhesive on duct tape?”

Bruce’s taken aback expression was hilarious. “Why on earth—”

“Because I’m gonna tape these damn glasses to your face that I’m borrowing, that’s why.”

“Tony, no.”

* * *

Bruce had gone to bed early that night, at Tony’s urging, in Tony’s bed, with one of Tony’s prescription pills. The stress of the situation wasn’t doing the guy any favors, and there was no sense in him staying up the last few hours worrying about it if he could be sleeping instead.

Tony then sprawled out on the bed in Bruce’s suite with a recent scientific paper pulled up on his tablet, wanting the guy to be in his own bed when he got back to his body.

“JARVIS, how much longer?”

“Just over an hour, sir. Dr. Banner is sleeping comfortably.”

“Good deal. Gimme a warning when we’ve got ten minutes left, yeah?”

“Of course, sir.”

The time passed quickly, with Tony immersed in the paper, and he was almost surprised when JARVIS gave him his ten minute warning.

He could feel the Hulk stirring in his mind, obviously aware and unsettled about the upcoming change.

Tony gave it a shot, just thinking the words, hoping it would work and wishing he’d thought of it sooner.

_Hey, Hulk?_

The reply was instantaneous. _Tony Man._

Tony grinned, both at his success at the nickname. “OMG, I feel like I’ve invented the wheel.” _Hey, big guy. You doing okay in there?_

_Hulk fine._

_You excited to have Bruce back?_

_Banner not like Hulk._

Tony could actually feel the sadness and irritation from the Hulk. _Sorry, pal. It’s gotta be hard for both of you._

_Hulk stay with Tony?_

Oh, lord, now there was a situation guaranteed to go straight off the rails if it were even possible. Still though… Tony couldn’t help but feel sorry for the guy, stuck where he was in the same way that Bruce was stuck with him. _I can’t, buddy. I’m sorry. But you’re still my friend, right?_

Hulk didn’t reply immediately, and Tony got the impression he was thinking it over.

_Yes. Hulk friend._

_Good. You let Bruce know if you ever need to talk to me, okay?_

_Okay. Iron Tony friend._

_You bet I am, buddy._

JARVIS projected a countdown for the last ten seconds, and Tony closed his eyes as he sent a mental, _See ya, big guy_ , just before the change. 

Then he was curled up in his own bed, in his own body, and it was actually kinda nice. Until he sat up. 

“Oh, wow, JARVIS… that’s weird.” The effects of the medication that Bruce had taken were still weighing down on Tony’s body, and he struggled to his feet as his head swam. 

“Perhaps walking around with questionable balance isn’t to be advised, sir.” 

“Yeah, I know, but I’d rather let Thor or Natasha take over somewhere else. I can make it to the lab, it’ll be fine. I’ll lay down on the couch when I get there.” Tony wobbled his way to the door, holding onto the wall and various furniture to keep his balance. 

“The elevator will take you straight there.” 

It took longer than he planned to get to the lab, with all the wobbling, and he had barely hit the couch when the next switch hit. 

Tony was standing up this time when the swap happened, and it was weird how he could instantly tell he was taller. 

“Gotta be Thor, then.” 

“Yes, sir.” JARVIS confirmed. 

Thor had apparently been in the communal kitchen, eating his way through… a truly shocking amount of food laid out on the island counter, and Tony shook his head a little. 

“He’s all good?” 

“Thor was slightly bewildered for a moment, especially because of the effects of the medication, but he is now having an animated discussion with Dum-E and U and seems just fine.” 

Tony smiled at that mental image. “Yeah, record that, it sounds precious.” He looked down at the empty glass in his hand and finished the walk to the fridge, assuming Thor had been getting a drink. He was sitting back down with his glass of apple juice when he registered the weird thing going on in his brain. He realized after a minute that it had to be Thor’s powers. 

It was actually kinda similar to how Bruce’s Hulk had felt in his mind, which explained how he hadn’t noticed it yet. A kind of presence, something that he had to keep an eye on, make sure he was watching his control. Loki hadn’t promised any kind of fail-safe for Thor’s powers, so it was in Tony’s best interest to tread more carefully with this body. Especially since the buzz from these powers was much more pronounced than the Hulk had been. 

Of course, his good intentions lasted all of thirty seconds. 

Tony stared down at the crumpled fork in his hand and gaped a bit. “Um, JARVIS.” 

“It is not uncommon, sir. There is another set of matching cutlery on the top shelf in the pantry for when we run low of the current set. I'm actually quite impressed you didn't break the glass or the fridge door.” 

“Snarky AI.” Tony carefully set down the mangled fork and debating getting another one or eating with his fingers. “How’s Thor?” 

“Actually, you may want to proceed to your lab, sir. Thor seems deeply concerned that your body is somehow damaged.” 

Well, that was somewhat alarming. “ _Is_ my body somehow damaged?!” The lights flickered overhead and he glanced at them apprehensively, forcing himself to calm down when he felt the buzz in his head fluctuate with his emotions and the lights flickering. 

“Not more so than usual. I believe the chronic pain and nighttime tiredness in addition to the medication are affecting him somewhat more severely than it did with the others.” 

“Ah, yeah. Should have expected that. Tiny mortal body and all.” 

Tony rushed down to the lab (and it was a real, actual rush, with speed and long legs and everything) and wow was it weird to hear Thor’s slightly Shakespearean words and inflection coming out of Tony’s mouth. 

“Stark, your JARVIS keeps telling me all is well, but you cannot possibly function this way. I feel near death.” 

Tony had to hold back a laugh, because the concern was really quite sweet. “No, buddy, you’re just tired and under the effects of some medication. That’s all. You just need to get some sleep and you’ll feel better.” He hauled Thor to his feet, carefully, once again appreciating the benefit of having a body that was far superior to his own. And actually didn't seem to have a single ache or pain at all. “C’mon, let’s get you to your room and you can get some sleep. It’ll be just fine.” 

Thor sagged into his side. “This exhaustion is beyond any I have experienced in many decades, Stark. Borne of long, hard-fought battles and weeks without rest.” 

Tony couldn’t really pick a response to that, so he settled for shuffling Thor along into the elevator, feeling acutely weird about being this tall. “I know, it sucks, but sleep will help, I promise. And we’ll get you some coffee in the morning.” 

Thor made a noncommittal noise as JARVIS sent the elevator to his suite. “Truly, this experience is nothing like I imagined it would be.” 

The door dinged open, and Tony moved to step forward… but Thor didn’t move. He was hanging limply from Tony’s grip, and looked as if he might have fallen asleep standing up. 

For a second, Tony had no idea what to do, but then he gave his borrowed biceps a look and shrugged. “Okay, big guy, oopsy-daisy.” 

He swung Thor up into his arms, and was actually quite delighted with how easy it was. “Wow, with these muscles, no wonder you can go head-to-head with the Hulk and come out feeling peachy. Let’s get you to bed.” 

Opening the door to Thor’s suite was a trick, but Tony managed it by accidentally gripping the handle too hard and yanking it out of the door. The door slowly swung open, and Tony stood there, Thor in his arms, and a door handle in his hand, gaping. 

“Um, JARVIS…” 

“Putting in an order for another door, sir.” 

“Yeah… thanks.” 

He deposited Thor on the bed as if the guy was made out of spun glass, and set the doorknob down on the nightstand, feeling slightly stunned. 

Thor didn’t move at any point, and just laid there sprawled out with his mouth hanging open, drool starting to collect at the corner of his mouth as he started to snore slightly. 

Tony snorted. “Wow. I look atrocious when I sleep.” 

JARVIS didn’t say anything, but Tony was pretty sure the AI was smirking. 

Shaking his head, Tony maneuvered Thor under the blankets and left the room, muttering, “How is this my life?” 


	8. Different Rules for Asgardians

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Hulk was easier to deal with than this Asgardian thing.

Tony felt wide awake, even an hour later, but he figured he should treat Thor’s body with some measure of care. So he put on the new Thor-sized pajamas Jarvis had ordered, finished all the awkward bathroom things that he was starting to become bizarrely used to, and got into bed.

And then laid there. And laid there. And laid there.

Rolling over for what had to be the sixth or seventh time over an hour later, Tony opened his eyes and stared up at the dark ceiling.

“JARVIS?”

“Sir?”

“I am not even remotely tired. Thor doesn’t need to sleep every night, does he?”

“I’m afraid not, sir. He does sleep for several hours every other night, but rarely does so on two nights in a row.”

Tony squinted. “Were you planning on telling me that at any point?”

“It’s like you don’t know me at all, sir.”

Tony couldn’t help it, he laughed as he sat up. “Right. Asgardian body. Different rules. Might as well have fun with it.”

* * *

"Fun" ended up being the job of putting away the food that had been left on the counter when Tony had rushed down to the lab earlier, then watching the rest of Casablanca on one of the late night movie channels.

“I’m rocking this Asgardian thing, check this out. I haven’t even made the lights flicker for like two hours.”

“Very impressive, sir. I am quite appreciative that you haven’t attempted anything with Mjolnir.”

Tony sat right up at that, his eyes gleaming. “Oh, well now that you mention it… And don't think I don't know you did that on purpose. You're as curious as I am and don't you dare try to deny it."

"That hurts, sir."

The hammer was sitting on the island counter where Thor had left it when he was pulled out of his body, and Tony had worked around it earlier without touching it out of habit. Now though, Tony stood up in the middle of the communal living room floor and stared hard at Mjolnir across the room.

Sqinching up his face in concentration, Tony cautiously called on the powers lurking loudly in his mind and held his hand out to the hammer. “C’mon, my pretty, come to papa.”

It didn’t budge.

“C’mooooooon…”

Nothing.

“Okay, I’ll come to you.” He crossed the distance (quickly, long legs), and wrapped his fingers around the handle. “Alright, here we go.”

A tug… a pull… a straining heave…

Tony sighed, only slightly disappointed. “Nope. Definitely not fingerprint encoded. You’re a loyal thing, aren’t you, honey?”

Mjolnir didn’t reply, but Tony patted it anyway. 

* * *

He didn’t dare go down to his lab, not on his own, so Tony whiled away the rest of the night hours by flipping through all the crappy TV that was on in the wee hours of the morning, breaking his favorite coffee mug when he gripped it too tightly (the whole floor hummed with electricity at his dismay), seeing if Thor’s body could run faster than Steve (he could), how much he could bench-press (a lot), and then how much money it would take to buy enough food to satiate the hunger that was growing in his middle. Jury was still out on that last one.

Steve gaped at the mess in the communal kitchen when he came down at five thirty before his run. “Did… you order something from every restaurant in New York?”

“Only the ones that were willing to deliver.” Tony unpacked another bag and popped open the takeout containers. “What are you hungry for, I’ve literally got everything.”

“Tony… it’s five thirty in the morning. You are Tony, right?”

“Yes I am, and I had indeed noticed the time.”

“You’re never up at this time unless you’ve been up all night.”

“And I have been. But this time, it’s not my fault. I laid down in bed and closed my eyes and everything. Apparently Thor doesn’t need as much sleep as we do.”

“Huh. Okay. You willing to share this?” Steve motioned at a box of doughnuts that were freshly glazed and still warm.

“Help yourself.” Tony had two forks out, and he was taking bites from the two separate plates he had already fixed for himself. “You want coffee?”

“Nah, not before my run, thanks though. Just this to go.” He held up a doughnut then headed for the elevator. Tony waggled his fork as a goodbye and shoveled another bite of crispy hashbrowns into his mouth.

Steve paused in the hallway, something obviously occurring to him, then looked back at Tony. “If Thor only sleeps every other night… what does he do on the other nights?”

Tony shrugged and forked up a bite of chicken lo mein. “I’ve got no idea. There’s only crap on TV and JARVIS says he doesn’t use the gym.”

“Huh.” Steve looked briefly mystified before he shrugged it off and took a bite of his doughnut. “Okay. See you later.”

* * *

Tony was back to watching slightly better TV when JARVIS told him Bruce was finally awake a few hours later.

“Hallelujah, my babysitter is finally up and at ‘em!” The TV screen fritzed at his excitement, and Tony took a few deep breaths to calm himself and the buzz in his head. “How’s Thor doing, he up yet?”

“He woke up briefly to relieve himself and eat, then took some ibuprofen on my suggestion and went back to bed.”

“My body is getting more rest with Thor than it’s ever gotten from me.”

“That fact did not escape me.” JARVIS’s voice was very dry, and Tony snorted.

Bruce was bleary-eyed but willing to be shuffled down to the lab as soon as he’d gotten some breakfast (a mix of curry and French toast that Tony would have mocked if he hadn’t been eating waffles and shrimp linguine an hour before), and he sat on the couch in the lab while Tony got to work. Tony was actively avoiding power tools and everything else that would get tetchy around electricity, which confined him largely to drawing up schematics and working through the math on various prototypes for new equipment. Bruce noticed this, especially when Tony took a mug of coffee from Dum-E with extremely careful movements, and closed his eyes to breathe slowly when he banged his knee against the table.

“You’re being more careful with Thor’s body than you were with mine.” He observed after a while, watching Tony with narrowed eyes over the rim of the mug of tea Dum-E had brought him.

Tony wasn’t sure if Bruce was offended or not, but he definitely sounded slightly accusatory. “I had a sleep switch with you, Brucie-bear. Apparently you can’t just turn off static electricity powers and demigod strength. I’ve already yanked a doorknob out of a door, broken my favorite coffee mug, and I’m trying not to sneeze and accidentally fry the Tower’s electronics.”

“Yeah, okay, fair.” Then Bruce grinned. “Are you telling me you’ve been having extremely cautious and delicate bodily functions ever since last night?”

Tony winced. “Bruce, I was terrified to pee this morning. Every time I have an itch, I make sure my fingers aren’t glowing or some weird thing first. I inhaled a crumb from my waffles and coughed and half-expected to be struck by lightning. Every fluctuation in my emotions makes the lights flicker. I am in hell.”

Bruce was sniggering, trying to contain himself, but he was doing a bad job of it. He kept snorting and waving his hands for Tony to stop and eventually he had to give up and just laugh for a minute. Tony allowed it, but grudgingly.

“When you’re done having a laugh at my expense…”


	9. Did I Look That Awful?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Thor hates this, Tony is eating everything, and the power keeps flickering.

Tony spent the rest of the day working and answering SI emails (Pepper was handling everything else seeing as how he wasn’t in possession of his body), and flipping Bruce off at regular intervals when the guy laughed at the topknot Tony had made on the top of his head with Thor's hair. He ordered another enormous smorgasbord for dinner, and tucked into pot roast, something from a Vietnamese restaurant that he couldn't pronounce, and a triple-layer German chocolate cake.

“We’re gonna need another fridge.” Clint remarked (after he finished laughing at Tony's hair), because even with Tony’s and Steve’s efforts, there was still a huge amount of food left over, in addition to the leftovers from breakfast.

“It’ll be gone by tomorrow, I’m pretty sure Thor won’t let us down when he gets his body back.” 

The demigod had resurfaced around noon, looking absolutely wretched in Tony’s body, but he’d perked up at the idea of food. Unfortunately, Tony’s body couldn’t handle near the amount of food that Thor’s could, and he’d looked desperately sad when he’d left the kitchen again a short time later to take a nap, only managing about a quarter of the amount of food he’d prepared for himself. Dinner went much the same, and Tony felt really bad for the guy (bad enough that the lights flickered again) when Thor meandered back out of the room for his third nap after eating a much smaller amount of food than he’d clearly wanted to.

“He almost looks like he’s had it the worst out of the rest of us so far,” Steve commented as they gathered in the communal living room for movie night after dinner. “Or did I look that awful?”

“It’s close, but he looks worse.” Natasha agreed, kicking her feet up over Clint’s lap and sprawling out. 

Tony’s voice was dry as dust. “These compliments on my appearance. It’s too much. Stop.”

“We’re making sure to keep your ego in check, especially with that horrendous man bun. It’s a kindness. You should be thanking us.” Clint snarked back, and Tony had to remind himself that he currently had a barely-controlled buzz of demigod powers in his head, therefore throwing a pillow at the guy would probably not be a good idea and might just blow up the coffee maker. He settled for a glare instead.

They watched Back to the Future, Tony and Bruce loudly complaining about the unrealistic science while Clint, Steve, and Natasha kept telling them to shut up, but that was just how movie nights went in the Tower, and they all enjoyed it. As the rest of them started to leave after it was over, JARVIS told Tony that Thor was on his way back down. He looked maybe a little bit better, after having slept most of the day, but he still sank down onto the couch and sighed as if he had just run a marathon.

“This exhaustion you live with,” Thor shook his head. “I have slept more today than in a week in my own body, and still I feel as if it is never enough. How do you face every morning feeling this way?”

Tony just shrugged. “Coffee. And I’m just used to it, big guy. I don’t have a choice. I mean, I could probably get more sleep, I should really do that, but part of it is tied to the reactor. It affects a lot of my systems, and I don’t sleep as well as I did before. Circulation and breathing issues, y’know.”

Thor nodded and very gingerly rubbed at his chest, avoiding the reactor. “Yes, this feeling of being constantly out of breath. The persistent ache.” His eyes were sad when he looked at Tony again. “It is a high price you pay to survive, Anthony.”

Tony cleared his throat and changed the subject, ignoring the way the microwave and oven clocks glitched and reset to zero as if the power had briefly gone out. “You excited to have your body back? We saved you a bunch of leftovers.”

Thor’s eyes lit up. “Yes indeed! Perhaps if this body could handle the amount of sustenance an Asgardian body requires, it might function better.”

Tony grinned. “Maybe. You never know. I’ll be glad when this buzz of power is out of my head. It’ll be nice to have an emotion or fart without worrying I’m gonna somehow detonate.”

Thor laughed at that, somewhat carefully given the arc reactor, but it was still a laugh.

Tony was ready when JARVIS murmured that they had ten seconds left, and he felt the change this time. Subtle, but he could definitely feel it, and the absence of Thor’s powers in his head was a huge relief. He looked over at Thor from his own eyes, saw the demigod clench and relax his fists, take a deep breath, and call Mjolnir to him.

“All is as it should be.” He announced, giving Mjolnir an easy swing and squeezing Tony’s shoulder gently. “I must go inform my Lady Jane. Good evening, my friend. You will have to show me how to do my hair in this fashion, I quite like it.”

“I cannot wait to hear what Clint says about that. See ya, God of Thunder.” Tony smirked, then took a measured breath as Thor left and closed his eyes to just feel the quiet in his mind.

Thor hadn’t been gone longer than a minute before Natasha came back into the room on silent feet, smiling a little at Tony when he opened his eyes, settling herself across from him.

“Last one, huh?” Natasha’s green eyes were just as rock-steady as they always were.

“Last one.” Tony sighed, still doing so shallowly even though it had been five days since his chest had hurt for more than the few minutes between the next swap. “Wanted to pick your turn?”

“Can you blame me?” Natasha smiled, and Tony shook his head.

“Nah. Where did you go once you figured it out?”

“First and second day were a fluke. I knew after that, though. Made myself scarce for a bit.”

“Smart.” Tony fiddled with the hem of his shirt, enjoying the way his fingers didn’t feel foreign and clumsy. He looked at Natasha seriously, meeting her gaze. “I’ll make sure to keep my eyes closed.”

She knew what he was talking about instantly. Being in each other’s bodies, it was bad enough between men, but this was a whole different privacy issue. “You don’t have to.”

“I know, but I will anyway. It’s not mine to see.”

She reached out and squeezed his arm gently. “I’ll take good care of yours. No peeking.”

He grinned then, he couldn’t help it. “You’ve seen the sex tapes, Nat. Nothing new down there, promise.”

Oh great, now she was giggling.

And that was the moment it happened.

There was still the feel of laughter in his throat when Tony blinked and was facing himself.

“Twenty-three hours and fifty-five minutes.” He said, Natasha’s voice sounding the same but shaped differently around his words.

“And then you’re done.” Natasha reached over again, in Tony’s body this time, and the hand that gently squeezed his arm was calloused as compared to Natasha’s softness. “You’ll be back and it’ll all be okay.”

Tony closed his eyes and nodded, cocking his head a little bit when he felt the brush of soft hair against his cheek. That was different, even from Thor's hair. “I’m ready for it to be over.”

“I’m just glad you don’t have any fun girl times to deal with.” It was remarkable how similar their smirks were, when they had this kind of comparison system.

Tony grimaced and felt briefly queasy. “Uh, yeah. Yeah. I’m glad too. I am not woman enough to wake up in a pool of my own blood.”

Natasha’s laugh was low and husky, not entirely unlike how it usually sounded despite coming from a different body. “Going to bed. Won’t peek.”

“Night. I won’t either.”

“Try not to injure me or anything, alright?” She shot him a smile, and he grinned back.

“Promise.”


	10. Uncanny Valley

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Showering with his eyes closed isn't something Tony ever wants to do again.

Showering in the bodies of Steve, Clint, and Thor had been weird (Bruce showered right before his turn). And probably not all that hygienic, as he’d refused pointblank to stick his hands on any underwear zones unless strictly necessary. Trying to pee that first day in Steve’s body had been acutely uncomfortable, and Tony was relieved that he wouldn’t have to get his hands all over another man’s schlong anytime in the foreseeable future.

Figuring out the shower and using the toilet in Natasha’s body was a damned nightmare. He hadn’t appreciated, before now, how much having his eyes open in the shower was kind of a necessary thing. He whacked his head on all three walls, stubbed his toe on the drain plug, nearly fell out through the shower curtain, and dinged his knee on the faucet twice. And that was just while trying to wash his hair. So much for not injuring Nat’s body.

He gave up after that, figuring a rinse in the water and an extra coat of deodorant was good enough to get him and his borrowed body through the day. No way was he gonna try to handle a razor, with his eyes open or not.

He patted himself dry gingerly, and nearly cried in relief when he noticed a full set of clothes put out on a chair next to his bed. Natasha had clearly snuck in and left it for him, and he was eternally grateful. He wouldn’t have to figure out what would fit over the boobs he was studiously ignoring, and he didn’t really know what the rules were for going loosey-goosey up top.

He also appreciated that the simple bra Natasha had left hooked in the front, and that he had a loose pair of sweats, a t-shirt, and a hoodie to wear. Not that he wasn’t confident in his ability to rock a little black dress and a pair of heels if he had to, but really, he’d had a bad enough week without trying to totter around on stilettos.

Natasha was sitting at the island in the kitchen by the time he made it downstairs, wearing some of his clothes, his body looking like hell as she hunched slightly and kept a hand resting over the arc reactor. Tony poured two cups of coffee, and sat next to her in silence for a while.

“You go snooping through my underwear drawer?” He finally asked once his coffee was gone, peeking out the corner of his eye and through a strand of red hair to judge her reaction.

“Sure did, and what an unoriginal place to keep your sex toys, Stark.”

He stuck his tongue out at her and they both laughed until Natasha clutched at her chest and winced. “Damn, how do you do anything like this?”

It was becoming something like a mantra, wasn’t it? “Lack of options, Red. Lack of options.”

They sipped coffee and picked at their toast in silence for a few minutes before Clint and Steve walked in. Steve was just back from a run and Clint was clearly just back from sleeping upside down and backwards, given the state of his hair and the way his clothes were all twisted crookedly on his body.

Clint went to the coffee machine on autopilot, but Steve was staring at Tony and Natasha with a weird expression on his face.

“Did… you two swapped, didn’t you?”

They glanced at each other, then back at Steve, nodding.

“Okay, that’s… that’s bizarre. Clint, look at them.”

Clint only had one eye halfway open, but after he downed half the cup of coffee he peeled the other one open. “Huh?”

“Look at Tony and Natasha.”

He did, mug back up at his mouth, then he apparently noticed the same thing that Steve was looking so freaked out about and nearly dropped his coffee.

Tony looked back at Natasha again, and studied his face she was borrowing. “Okay, no boogers hanging out of my nose or anything like that. Is there something on my face?”

Natasha was looking just as bewildered and shook her head. She glanced back at Steve. “What is your deal?”

“That’s like… some serious uncanny valley shit right there.” Clint said, looking more awake as he got closer, staring at them as coffee dripped out of his limply-held mug.

Tony felt something like a zoo animal. “I am feeling deeply uncomfortable.”

Shaking himself, Steve opened the fridge and took out his juice (he liked drinking out of the carton, so made sure he marked which one was his). He seemed to be pointedly ignoring Natasha and Tony now, and kept his eyes off them as he went to shower and passed Bruce on the way in

“Oh, that’s some serious Twilight Zone material right there.” Bruce muttered immediately, staring at Tony and Natasha.

“Right?!” Clint agreed, on his third cup of coffee while he kicked a rag around on the floor to clean up his drippy mess. “Uncanny valley, yeah? I could totally tell with Steve and you and Thor, but this is just… It’s just a _shade_ off from normal, just enough to make you question whether or not you’re looking at a clone or something.”

“Very. Oh wow, that’s… that’s seriously creepy.”

Tony threw his hands up in the air. “That’s it, I’m leaving. I can only take so much.”

Natasha shoved the rest of her toast in her mouth and got up as well. “Me too. I’m feeling all self-conscious on your behalf.”

* * *

“Can I just tell you, your ballet feet scare me.”

Natasha smirked as she glanced over at Tony, who had just flopped down on the sectional in the communal living room with a handful of grapes after working in the lab for several hours. “And that’s only with two practices a week, imagine how bad it was when I was doing it professionally.”

“You literally have an entire toe that is bruised. Just a random purple and blue toe that is freaking me out.” Tony wiggled his socked toes in her direction.

“Just one?”

Tony flicked a grape at her. “I haven’t dared check, are you flexible?”

She grinned, and that sly Natasha smirk of hers looked just as good on his goateed face. “Very.”

“Right, gonna keep all my thoughts entirely clear of that. Yep.”

She giggled, actually giggled (and wasn’t that weird hearing in his voice), and patted his hand. “You should give the splits a try. Then you’ll know what it feels like.”

“Nat, I’m weirded out enough by the glaring absence of any male parts in my panties, I don’t know if I can plunk down on the floor in the splits without having some kind of existential crisis.”

Natasha laughed so hard she ended up crying, but Tony wasn’t sure if it was because of what he’d said or because of the arc reactor. Either way, he sat there and let her hiccup and cry and laugh into his shoulder, then ordered a pizza for them to share when she was done.


	11. A Learning Experience

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Everyone is back in their own body, and the Avengers have a chance to reflect on their experiences.

Last one. Last change.

Tony started watching the clock a good hour before it happened, and couldn’t seem to stop himself from wandering up from his lab and onto the communal floor. Natasha could obviously read minds even when she wasn’t in her own body, because she was already there waiting for him, watching terrible fake wrestling on the TV. She patted the cushion next to her without looking at him, and he waited until the current fight had ended before speaking.

“It’s been a long week.”

“It has,” She agreed, clicking the TV off. “Though much more so for you than the rest of us, I imagine.”

He shrugged. “Maybe. Dunno. You ready to have your body back?”

“I’m ready to not have leg hair anymore.” She replied pertly, and Tony laughed, his eyes on the countdown that JARVIS projected.

He felt the change as time ticked down, he didn’t have to see it to know it had happened. And despite the ache in his chest, he breathed a sigh of relief. Natasha was doing the same thing beside him, and they both sat in silence for a few minutes.

“That was a learning experience.” Tony finally concluded, opening his eyes and looking over at her.

“You’re telling me. I never did figure out how you walk around with that mess between your legs.”

Tony choked on his laughter, and it hurt, but it was a hurt that was familiar. And he’d kind of missed it, in a really weird way. It was his pain, his burden to bear, and he’d rather bear it himself than watch his friends suffer it.

“I kept freaking out and nearly checking where mine went. The boobs were always a surprise too, how do you do anything with them in the way?!”

Natasha was laughing now too, and it was probably the stress of the week finally winding down, but the two of them kept setting each other off as soon as they started to calm down, laughing until their cheeks and stomachs ached.

“That sounds like a Nat laugh coming from a Nat mouth.” Clint came into the room and flopped down next to Natasha. “Everyone back where they should be? No more musical chairs but with bodies?”

“Nope, we’re all good.” Tony had a moment of panic. “We’re all good, right JARVIS?”

“It is past the time that you changed previously, sir.”

Tony breathed a sigh of relief. “We’re good.” He ran a hand over his unkempt goatee, and through his hair. “Ohhh, I’ve missed this. I missed my facial hair. And my real hair. And having my own privates attached to the body I’m currently inhabiting.”

“On that note,” Natasha stood up, then gave Tony a kiss on the forehead. “Good night, Tony. Get some sleep. You’ve earned it.”

“Thanks, Nat. G’night. You too, bird brain.”

Clint flipped him off with a smile, and the two disappeared.

Tapping his fingers absently on the arc reactor, Tony hauled himself to his feet and made his own way to his suite. “JARVIS, send the all clear to Pepper. I’ve missed that woman and need her back.”

“Yes, sir. I have missed her as well.”

“Such a softie.”

“I get it from you, sir.”

“Now you stop it right now before I get teary.”

* * *

“What was the worst part for you?” Natasha asked in the quiet, letting her head rest on Clint’s shoulder as they sat on the couch in his suite.

“The chest.” He answered promptly. “No contest. You?”

Her answer was utterly unexpected. “Trying to blow my nose.”

Clint burst out laughing and looked down at her. “What?!”

“Mucus that was not mine, Clinton. Trying to deal with facial hair that shreds tissues. The _germs_ , Clint.”

Clint couldn’t seem to stop laughing, so Natasha gave him a good hard pinch.

“And here I thought the whole bathroom thing would be a problem.”

He could practically hear her rolling her eyes. “Please, it was not my first time holding a dick.”

Clint was absolutely useless for conversation after that, and Natasha flicked his ear as punishment as she left the room, followed by his peals of laughter.

* * *

“Not sleepy?” Steve asked as he entered the gym to see Thor already there, bench-pressing an absurd weight. He sat down on the machine next to the demigod and started taping his hands to use the punching bag.

“My body will require sleep tonight, but I wasn’t ready to see my bed so soon after so much sleep while inhabiting Anthony’s body.” Thor got up and added another hundred pounds of weight to each end of the bar. “I did not anticipate how different Asgardian and Midgardian biology would be. The difference in strength, stamina, healing. It was a truly exhausting experience.”

Steve went over to spot Thor as the demigod laid down and lifted the weights free of the stand. “Yeah, took me right back to my Brooklyn days before the serum. Can you believe I forgot what it’s like? I’ve only had this body a few years, relatively speaking, but I still forgot what it feels like.”

“I admit, I have a new respect for your species. To have such infirmities be commonplace. It takes incredible strength, to endure as the humans of this world do.”

Steve nodded. “To feel tired like that. To hurt like that. To not be able to breathe right. How does Tony live like that, Thor? Every single breath I took ached, but he lives with it every day, he _fights_ with it. He’s more of a hero than anyone ever gives him credit for.”

Thor nodded minutely as he continued lifting and lowering the weighted bar. “It takes endurance to hold up against chronic ailments such as that, and he has no reprieve, even in rest. I awoke so often during the night that I’m unsure I got any useful rest at all.”

Steve nodded. “Me too, even with those meds. You think there’s anything we can do for him? Make it all easier somehow?”

“I don’t know. But it bears thinking about. Our teammate suffers too much with the burdens he shoulders on his own. It’s something we should not forget.”

* * *

“Hey, JARVIS?”

“Yes, Dr. Banner?”

“I’m sure you already do this, but I’m just checking. You keep an eye on how medical technology is evolving to see if the reactor can be taken out of Tony’s chest, right?”

The tone of the AI’s voice sounded very much as if he’d just sighed. “In truth, Dr. Banner, such technology already exists. But there are complications that only Sir understands, both mental and physical, that impede such actions.”

Bruce nodded, having had a growing suspicion that that was the case. Taking the reactor out of Tony’s chest was only one of the issues he would have to deal with if he decided to have it done. “Yeah. Hey, did he really like his time in my body, dealing with the Hulk? Or was he just putting it on for me?”

JARVIS’s voice lightened considerably with the change in topic. “Sir did seem to sincerely enjoy the communications he appeared to have with the Hulk. I believe he had the advantage of liking the Hulk before he was subjected to coexisting in a body with him.”

Bruce sighed and ran his hand through his hair, reminding himself that he needed a trim. “Yeah. That probably would have been a nice thing to have. Can you do me a favor, JARVIS?”

“Possibly.”

“If Tony ever needs help that I can give… let me know? He doesn’t have to do everything alone.”

“I shall, Dr. Banner. And thank you.”

* * *

Tony half-expected the dream.

“Did you enjoy your week?” A familiar voice taunted almost playfully.

Tony turned around, surrounded again by that swirling white and gray landscape, and wasn’t surprised to see Loki there. “Interestingly, I did enjoy parts of it. Not enough to do it again, however.”

“Pity,” The demigod regarded him with a cool green stare. “It would have been fun to expand the magic to include others in your life. Your Pepper, for instance. Or Colonel Rhodes.”

Okay, yeah, that had the possibility to be off-the-charts hot with Pepper, and totally hysterical with Rhodey, but… “Nope. I’m good.”

Loki sighed, sounding very put-upon as he turned away. “Too bad. Perhaps I’ll see you another time, Anthony Stark.”

Tony raised his eyebrow and snorted a little. “Let’s not and say we did.”

With a smirk, Loki vanished, and Tony was left in the fluid dreamscape alone for only a moment before he woke up.

“Still here, JARVIS?” He mumbled before rolling over and tugging Pepper’s pillow over to himself to hug.

“You and I both, yes sir.”

“S’good to hear.”


	12. Group Hug

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The body-swapping is over, but the lessons learned live on.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And we have come to the end! Thank you so much to everyone that has been reading and commenting, and I hope you enjoy the last chapter! *Mwah*

Tony woke up late the next morning, and only got out of the shower when JARVIS told him the others were waiting for him in the communal kitchen.

“Gimme a break, it’s the first shower I’ve been comfortable taking in a week. Let me luxuriate.”

“You’ve been luxuriating for 27 minutes and Captain Rogers keeps making fresh pancakes so they’ll be warm when you get there. He’s made seventeen extras.”

Tony grinned and turned off the water. “Aw, he’s sweet. Tell them I’m coming. Also, ask Natasha what the hell she was doing in my body yesterday, because I have bruises and soreness in odd places that I know she is responsible for.”

There was a pause as JARVIS apparently relayed the message, then, “Agent Romanoff says that you are not near as flexible as you should be, it’s not her fault.”

Tony snickered as he dried himself off, and he took a great deal of pleasure in putting on his own normal clothes without having to worry if they’d fit.

His hair was still damp and he was in bare feet when he got to the communal kitchen, pleased to smell bacon and coffee and maple syrup in addition to the pancakes. Someone had also chopped up some fruit to make it look like the rest of their food was healthy.

“Morning, everyone. Nice to see you’re all inhabiting your own bodies once again.”

“Same to you!” Steve called out, and he set a plate of fluffy and steaming pancakes in front of Tony the second he sat down. Clint flipped slices of bacon onto his plate, Thor poured out an obscene amount of syrup, Bruce brought him coffee, and Natasha slid a bowl of fruit over.

Tony looked at all of them with slightly narrowed eyes. “You’re all being weird.”

“No, we’re taking care of our teammate that suffers more than he should.” Natasha corrected him.

Well… what was he supposed to say to that? 

While he thought it over, Steve put a hand on his shoulder and gestured for him to stand up. His eyes were twinkling as he put one arm around Tony and held out the other out. “Come on, Avengers. Group hug. Tony in the middle.”

It was weird and almost claustrophobic and Tony almost considered wiggling away. But then they surrounded him, and shuffled in close, and it reminded Tony of something like home.

His teammates, his friends, all held him and touched him differently than they ever had before. They made sure his chest wasn’t under any pressure, but gave his arms and shoulders and waist gentle squeezes to make up for it. Natasha raked her short nails through his hair, Clint and Steve both patted his back, Bruce wrapped an arm around his waist, and Tony was pretty sure Thor even kissed the top of his head.

“This is the most sickeningly sweet thing that has ever happened to me. I may vomit.”

Clint ruffled his hair this time as they separated, ensuring that he left Tony’s hair a mess. “But you liked it.”

Tony could feel a flush on his cheeks, but he didn’t try to hide it. “Yeah. I did.”

* * *

Never let it be said that Tony didn’t learn from past experiences and use them to improve things.

“What are these?” Steve was in the communal kitchen poking around for a snack to get him through until dinner time, and pulled a few new boxes down from the snack cupboard to look them over.

“High-protein and high-calorie snacks.” Tony tossed a slim plastic binder across the counter. “And a list of all the restaurants in the area, and their menus, as well as payment information if they don’t have it already. Can’t have a hungry Cap in my Tower.”

Steve looked between the boxes of snacks and the binder. “You really didn’t like being hungry that much, did you?”

“Nope, and you shouldn’t either.” Tony stuck his hands in his pockets and headed for the elevator.

“Hey, Tony?” Steve called him back before he could leave. “I was thinking… would an inhaler help? With the breathing problems?”

Tony tilted his head to the side and considered it. “I don’t know. A lot of it is due to decreased lung capacity. But an inhaler might help. Maybe.”

“It reminded me a lot of when I had asthma, before the serum. Thought it might help.”

Tony smiled and nodded. “I’ll look into it. Thanks, Steve.”

Steve smiled back and popped open a box of snack. “You’re welcome, Tony. Oh, wait! I heard your favorite mug broke.” 

Opening the cupboard where the mugs were kept, Steve pulled out an exact replica of the mug Tony had broken while in Thor's body. Filling it with coffee, Steve brought it over to Tony, who was standing there looking maybe a little bit lost and bewildered. 

"That's the right one, isn't it?"

Tony looked at the mug, then nodded slowly. "Yeah. Yeah, it is. You got it for me?"

Steve smiled and nodded. "Bruce told me about it, and I figured you deserved to have your favorite mug back after the week you went through."

Tony smiled back, perhaps a little crookedly, and took a sip of the coffee. "I really appreciate it. Thanks, Steve."

"You're welcome."

* * *

Clint found a small metal box on his nightstand two weeks after the body-swap incident, with a sticky note that said, _“Don’t know if you need them, but just in case.”_

He popped it open and smiled a little as he saw the tiny purple hearing aids. Knowing Stark, they’d be far superior to anything he’d ever tried so far. Maybe they’d even actually work for him. 

Setting them aside to try in the morning, he picked up his phone and sent a text.

_Thanks, Tony. Purple, though. Really?_

He got a reply right back, and it made him laugh. 

_We all know it’s your favorite, bird brain._

The guy wasn’t wrong. _By the way, next time I see you I’m gonna kiss you full on the mouth._

He chuckled at Tony’s reply. _Kinky. Might I ask why?_

_Dr. Brannigan._

_Oh, he’s a godsend. He fix that wreck of a body you’re living in?_

_Working on it. Thanks, Tony._

_You’re welcome. Anytime. I can also recommend a good stylist. That hair, Barton. You don’t have to live like this._

Clint barked out a laugh and tossed his phone on his bed when he finished typing his response. _Screw you._ He was still chuckling when he glanced up at the ceiling out of habit.

“Hey, JARVIS?”

“Yes, Agent Barton?”

“Can you place a double order of that coffee I’ve been hoarding, and make sure it’s billed to my account? I think Tony would like it.”

“Of course. Shall I have it delivered to your suite, or somewhere else?”

“Tell you what, if you can have it gift wrapped in the most garish red and gold paper you can find, have it sent to his lab.”

“I shall arrange for that. Sir will be most pleased.”

* * *

Bruce eyed the small baggie of clear plastic… _things_ Tony held out to him with apprehension. “What are they.”

“Deeply suspicious alien technology, given the look on your face.” Tony dropped the bag into Bruce’s hand. “They’re non-slip gripper pads for your glasses.”

Bruce smiled as he examined them. They were flexible silicon plastic, made to fit over the nose pads and earpieces of eyeglasses. “You make them?”

“Yeah, the ones I found online weren’t at all worth the money. Those are thinner and better.”

Looking at Tony over the edge of his glasses, Bruce grinned. “In your humble opinion.”

“Nothing humble about it, Brucie-bear. I’m right.”

“Yeah, I’d bet that you are.” Bruce fished a couple of the grippers out of the baggie and juggled the bag and his glasses as he slipped the tiny, fiddly silicon pieces onto his glasses. “Thanks, Tony.”

“You’re welcome. Wanna do some flammable science?”

“Sure, my eyebrows have finally grown back. Might as well. Oh, Hulk says hi.”

Tony beamed. “Hi back, big guy. Nice to hear from you.”

Bruce slipped his glasses on and gave his head a shake to test them out. “He really likes you, y’know. Hulk.”

Tony scoffed. “Of course he does. I’m fantastic."

"We've sorta talked about you. As far as we can talk, y'know."

Tony looked pleased at that. "I'm glad! It would be nice if you two could be more like friends. Now c’mon. The flames of hell and science await us.”

* * *

“So, I know this might be kind of dumb, just human relaxation techniques, but maybe they’ll help. I asked Bruce for help.”

Thor looked over the materials Tony had assembled for him, and couldn’t help but smile. “I find it interesting that you had quite a calm camaraderie with Banner’s Hulk, but found my powers difficult to control.”

“Hey, Green Bean had a naptime switch, I didn’t have one of those for sudden bursts of static electricity, y’know.” Tony made a face at him. “I was worried I’d have to rewire the entire Tower if I lost my temper.”

Chuckling, Thor watched a repeating, moving image on the screen JARVIS had projected onto, watching a small circle slowly expand to fill a larger one, then shrink with the words “Inhale” and “Exhale”. He gave it a try, following the lead of the animated circles, and after a few breaths… he did have to admit, he felt somewhat more relaxed.

“There seems to be merit in what you say.” Thor smiled at Tony and clapped him on the shoulder. “Thank you, Anthony. I will be sure to thank Dr. Banner as well.”

Tony grinned back as he headed for the door. “Make sure you brag about your powers being harder to handle than the Hulk. Pretty sure he’s expecting it, you don’t wanna disappoint him.”

“I shall indeed. Oh, Anthony.” Thor called him back and held out an intricately detailed glass vial about the length of his hand. 

“What’s this?”

“An Asgardian concoction. It should ensure a dreamless, restful sleep for you on the nights you need it.”

Tony took the vial and looked it over curiously. “To keep Loki away?”

“In part. But mostly to ensure that you receive the rest you need, Anthony.”

Tony looked up, his eyes wide.

Thor’s face was full of compassion, and his hand was gentle as he put it on Tony’s shoulder. “Your physical ailments are a burden you must bear. But perhaps this will help to ease some of the exhaustion.”

Tony had to blink a couple times and clear his throat before he spoke. “Thanks, Thor. I… I really appreciate it.”

* * *

Natasha raised an eyebrow at the _“Pardon Our Dust”_ sign taped to a brand new door that had appeared in the wall of the gym literally overnight. Peeking through the glass window, she saw a large room, drywall and ceiling beams still exposed, and stacks of pale lumber against the far wall.

“It’s gonna be a dance studio.”

She had to hand it to Tony, he was pretty sneaky that time and she hadn't heard him coming. “Yeah?”

“Yup. Full-size, they’ll be putting the floor down in the morning and have the mirrors up tomorrow night. The varnish will take a couple days, but it’ll be ready by the end of the week, with a barre and stereo system and everything. Unless you want a stripper pole in there too, I can always order one.” He winked at her.

Natasha shook her head with faux exasperation and pulled on the pair of kickboxing gloves she was holding. “We both know you’d use it too.”

“Yeah, probably.” He grinned and kept in step with her as she went toward the mats on the other side of the boxing ring. “You don’t have to use it if you don’t want to. But it’s yours if you do.”

Smiling a rare wide smile, Natasha put a hand on his arm and leaned up to kiss his cheek, making a faint blush come out on his face. “Of course I will. Thanks, Tony. By the way, I put a humidifier in your room.”

“A humidifier?” He looked taken aback.

“Yeah. Might help with the chest thing. Maybe. It’s supposed to be a silent model, puts out warm or cool vapor depending on what you want.”

Tony raised his eyebrow, but his eyes were twinkling. “I feel like I should be concerned that JARVIS is just letting you into my room to drop off suspicious parcels, but I’m not.”

Natasha grinned. “He likes me.”

“Traitor.”

“That hurts, sir.” JARVIS deadpanned.

Tony and Natasha both laughed, then Tony waved and did a little spin on his heel and strolled out of the room with his hands in his pockets, looking at ease.

Natasha watched him go, feeling quite fond, and glanced again at the new dance studio door. And then smiled once more.

**Author's Note:**

> Name of Piece: Switch It Up, Swap It Out  
> Square Filled: R5 - Body Swap  
> Rating: Gen  
> Warnings: None  
> Summary: Tony has a weird dream visit from a certain God of Mischief, and spends the next week hopscotching in and out of his teammates' bodies. It is precisely as bizarre as it sounds.  
> Created For : @tonystarkbingo


End file.
